Post 100!!

I finally am having a few more people looking at my blog! That is exciting! Today was a bit of a blah day. I DID get some studying done, though, which was good. I spent most of the day at St@rbucks with my laptop and books. I don't know what it is about this semester, but I am just very blah. It isn't just me, either. A lot of the others in my class are feeling the same thing. I don't mind going to school. That is the fun part. It is DOING the homework that seems so hard. On Tuesday evenings, we have most of the day off, and in the evening, we go and take a computer class assoicated with our prgrm. I am having a hard time with it, as we only have one day to learn, and the next week, we have to do the assignment. Today, I had SUCH a hard time doing it. I had a TON of problems..computer being slow, messing things up...and it wasnt just me, either. The others were having the same sort of problems. Oh well...I got a B on my assignment from the last computer prgrm that we did (we do three all together). Today in general was just a blah day. I got my period last night/this morning. That is twice in ONE month (granted, it was't early..stupid long month!!). I also had my ultrasound for my on again, off again oh so lovely cysts that have been forming. I have been feeling ok (regarding them) for the most part, so I am not anticpating a problem.

Just a short one tonight....I want to talk about friendships..the kinds of friends that every women needs. I read an article in Redb00k a while back, and it talked about the kinds of frienships that we as women need. One of them that it talked about was having a younger friend. I actually thought this was ridiculous, as most of the time, younger people and I don't have a lot of things in common. However, these past couple of years that has proved to be wrong. IN the usmmer, when I took my English upgrading, I met a girl L, who was/is very nice, and we got along. We met a few times over the summer, and we texted back and forth even more. We have one class together, and we always seem to have a lot to talk about and connect fairly well. We are VERY different, but we always have some laughs, and generally have a good time.

This past fall, when my course started, there were A LOT of younger people in the course. There are a few of us that are "older" people there, and I have connected with those as well, but there was one in particular that I really connected with. We are so very different, but always have a lot of fun together. I love hanging out with her. When a bunch of us get together, we always laugh and have a good old time. The point is that even though they are younger than me, we (esp my one friend) age doesn;t seem to make a difference. So, the point being, it is good to have younger friends. They often have a different point of view, can make a person feel young, are usually not as stressed out with life, etc. I have very few friends that are my EXACT age (actually, really only one), certainly no one my own age that doesn't have any kids. A lot of my friends are older, or younger, or not Christian (which is great, but it is nice to have Christian friends in my life). Just because people are in the same demographic as you, it doesn't mean that they will make a good friend.

More Exposure (NO, not that kind!)

When I first started this blog, I made it private, and it was going to be just an online journal of our daily lives. Then last year (?) when I wanted to have a bit more of a message to, or around that time, I decided to go public. Then I decided to do what some of my FB friends are doing, and "sharing" updates on my blog. THEN the other night, I was bored (and I should have been studying, probably!!), and I went to one of my friends' blogs, where she every Friday does a SHOW US YOUR LIFE..I don't know how it works, really, but this one was about adoption, and she mentioned that if you wanted to adopt, etc, that you can add your blog link (or other info) and so I did. Anyway, I have gotten some more views:) I even had one from Australia:) Anyway...am still trying to figure out how to get some more exposure on this blog. I want this to minister to other women (and couples) who cannot have children. It will never be a fancy blog, filled with pictures, and a neat design, with a banner and links (at least not now), My opinion is that I want the TEXT to be a blessing, not the "extras". So, if anyone has any ideas on how to give this more exposure, then please comment! I had a bit of a blah weekend, but will explain more in another post. Am off to have coffee with a friend.

Just a quick update

It doesn't look like I will be writing for our local parenting magazine anymore, since, to be fair, they don't seem to like where my articles are going (again, I don;t mind writing for them, but I was getting a bit sappy..aaannd that is why I write my blog). I emailed the article to my mom and she had to agree with the editor, that it was a bit sad, and awkward. That being said, in general (the writing assignment aside), she clearly doesn't get how I am feeling. It is a tough thing to try to explain to people. NO ONE (unles they dont have kids) understands. There are times when I am ok with not having kids, and there are times where I am really sad about it. I do talk about it a lot (probably more than I should), but who cares? It isnt like I am at home depressed about it. I am going to school, and trying to get a new career going. That doesn't mean I don't wish I had kids (granted, there are times when I am glad I don't have them:)). I am just moving on, and not wallowing in it all the time....but there are times when I am sad...

Ok...enough of the ranting...

This week has seemed really long...thankfully, we are over half way through! I watched two bummer movies lately..one was Siliver LIning Playbook..it had some laughs, but I generally wouldn't recommend it. The second one was last Thursday, and I won tickets through my schools' Student Union. I took along my SIL, and it wasn;t the greatest at all...it could have been a good movie, but there was just too much swearing, and drinking in it...:) Oh well...a free movie is always nice.

I am enjoying my practicum. I can't say too much about it..but I think I wll be really sad when I leave. School is going ok..I am having a hard time getting into the groove, and doing my homework. There isnt a lot of work assigned this semester, but where there is of it, they are big projects!!!

I was really tired last Friday...i think I had a bit of the flu or something...I got home around 3, and I was in bed for pretty much the rest of the night. My arms felt like lead. I was feeling better on Saturday, and I seem to be doing ok now. Saturday, I spent some time with K and BeBop. We got some cards, and wandered around the mall. We all went to the library, and they left, while I stayed to do some studying. That evening, hubby went to the hockey game, and i stayed home and watched Five Year Engagement...again, not the greatest movie, but at least it had a good ending. Sunday, we went to church, then to Costco, then just hung out for the rest of the day. I may or may not have gone to Starbucks that evening. Monday, was school, then I met my friend at Sbux, and studied for a bit. I won't bore you with the rest of my week...it has gone ok, though. Oh yes...not this last Tuesday ,but the one before, our pwr steering went in our car. $350 later, our car is fixed:( So, we are more than a little broke right now. Thankfully, we have my SL:)

Well, I should sign off, as I have to be up early tomorrow.

Article

Here is one that is in the current one...

Kamloops Momma’s! (and Dad’s too!),

 

I hope everyone and their little ones had a great Halloween. I am not a big fan of Halloween myself, but I do enjoy seeing the kids dressed up on their costumes, and of course, buying and eating the candy!!! Bebop was our only trick-or-treater, and came carrying his transformers costume, since he didn’t want to wear it. I think he enjoyed getting the candy, and assortments of treats he was given. Judging from the Facebook pictures I saw, Rosebud was dressed up as a kitty. Such a cutie!

I am very thankful for all of the positive comments, and support I have gotten for my debut article! I had such fun writing it, and thankful for the opportunity.

One of the things I have been thinking about is the divide between people who have kids, and people who don’t; whether it is by choice, or they are unable to have them(for this article, I will largely be referring to women). Sadly, a lot of friendships that I have had through the years have died, a lot of them partly due to my not having kids. It makes me sad, but it is also a part of life. What can momma’s do to bridge the gaps between your childless friends? I thought of a few things….

DON’T assume that we don’t want to hang with you and your little ones. Even if we can’t (or don’t) have kids, it doesn’t mean that we don’t want to be around them. Being around kids allows us to be kids again ourselves, to laugh, and be and act silly, and see the world through a child’s eyes.  This also includes asking us to baby sit. We will love that time to hang out and spoil your little ones, don’t assume, just ask…However….

DON’T assume that we always DO want to hang with (and hold) your kids, either. There are some days when the hurt is just so great, that we have to allow that space between us and kids for a while. It may just be a few days, but that space is often greatly needed to make it through.

DO talk about other things other than your kids. Sure we love to hear stories about your kidlets. 24/7? No, thank you! There are other things that make you uniquely youJ What are your dreams, your hobbies? What did you do before you had children?

DON’T assume that because we don’t have kids, we don’t have some thoughtful advice. No, I am not a parent, but I helped raise our 4 younger siblings. I also babysit, and I have lots of kids in my life, so I do know a thing or two about children. So, please don’t be rude when we give advice, or have some interesting tidbit we would like to share.

DO allow us some space, especially when it comes to baby-related events. As I mentioned above, we don’t always want to go to your niece’s best friend’s daughter’s baby shower, or Christening. It’s not to say that we DON’T enjoy holding the baby, and talking about all things baby-related for two hours non-stop, we do, and everyone feels differently about this, but for me, I also feel a bit sad that I will probably never know that feeling of being a mom, and all that goes with it. So, if we don’t go to your baby shower, it’s not that we don’t like you; it is just that we need some space. I myself often find it easier to another time, and bring a gift, and spend some time with you and your baby.

DO make a point in making and spending time with us (shopping, coffee, etc). Just because we don`t have kids, it doesn`t mean that we don`t have anything in common with you anymore. Yes, our lives are different, but it doesn’t give us an excuse to ever see each other. Besides, maybe we will want to hang out with your little ones while you are trying on that new dress you’ve been eyeing.

DON’T offer platitudes, like “oh, so-and-so were told they couldn’t have kids, and BAM they had one”; or “what about adoption?”  We know you are just trying to be nice. Maybe you don’t know what else to say, or you feel awkward, whatever the reason, it isn’t helpful. EVERY case and circumstance is different, and no one knows that journey that they are going through.

DO ask us questions about our lives, thoughts, and dreams. Just because we don’t have children, it doesn’t mean that we any less of a person, or that there is something wrong with us. To add to, even though it DOES get tiring asking us about our “baby journey”, but we also like to know that you are interested. Ask if we are ok to talk about it, or, take a cue from us, and see how are reacting to your questions, or some of the time, we will probably end up bringing it up ourselves. Just listen. You don’t have to give us advice, just let us know that you are thinking of us.

….this brings me to my last one…which kind of is the same as above…

DO let us know that you are thinking of us. Mothers /Fathers Day are quite hard on us as childless parents. Just let us know that we are in your thoughts and prayers. Cards and small gifts are also nice gestures to let us know that we are not forgotten.

DO know that when you are rocking your baby back to sleep in the middle of the night, or you are yelling at your toddler for the 100^th time that day, there is a woman (and her hubby), that is DYING to be doing those things, and to have a child call them “momma”…take everything in stride. Enjoy your babies, for it will all go fast.

And, these, my momma friends, are just a few of the things that I have come to my mind the last while, but I am sure there are many more.  Just please know that we are not diseases to be left alone. We love you and we love your kiddies. Just ask what we would like/need,etc.

Have a wonderful Christmas Season, with your babies!

Again, if anyone wants to contact me, my email is aa_wainwright74@hotmail.com. I like chocolateJ

 

 

Holidays...Childless MamaStyle.

 I was going to submit this to our local parenting paper, for their next article, but they didnt like where I was going (to be fair, I actually agree with them, but it still hurt a bit), but I think this is a great article, and think people may enjoy reading it:)

 

Celebrating the Holidays: Childless (Momma) Style:

 

As I write this, I am knee-deep in chocolate, oranges, cookies, and packing between trips. I trust that you have all had a great Christmas with your family and friends. We went to the Island to see my husband’s sister and her family, and we had a great time!

I thought that for this article I would talk about what it is like to celebrate the holidays-ANY holiday- as a childless  momma. With every holiday that comes around, it makes me more aware that we don’t have children to celebrate it with.  Although Christmas is a large one, it is one of the many holidays that make me a little sad and even more aware that I don’t have children. Therefore, it gave me an idea on what to write about for this issue.

Allow me to explain:

At Christmas time, there are no children to talk about Santa , and to spend hours, standing line watitng to see him. No little one`s eyes that will light up when you put up the tree. You have no real excuse to go into the toy department (unless you are getting gifts for Toys for Tots, or some other Christmas Charity, or you have young children in your life).  There are no little hands to help make Christmas cookies. No little ones to snuggle up with and read the Christmas Story (or any Christmas-themed story))). You don’t get to witness their little eyes full of wonder looking at the tree, gifts, and other holiday traditions.

For Valentine’s Day, there are no little hands to help make any special treats. You don’t get to hand out Valentine’s Day cards to your kids. You don’t get to have themed breakfasts, and make heart –shaped pancakes (ok, you stlll can, but it isn’t quite the same) for breakfast. No flowers, or handmade cards given to you from your kids. Yes, the day is for couples, and we usually have a good day, but again, it isn’t quite the same when you don’t have any little Valentines to share it with.

For Easter, there are no Easter egg hunts, and no fun spring outfits to buy your kids. No fun/themed pictures to have done. There are no Easter egg baskets to put gifts in and give out. No  Easter/Spring-themed goodies to make and be enjoyed by young ones. You don’t have to worry about little ones’ appetites, and them eating their treats between meals (wait, isn’t that ALL the time??).

Don’t even get me started on Mothers/Father’s Day. That is by far the hardest holiday all year. Yes, I have my own mother, and I am so glad that she is in my life,  and there is a part of me that can still enjoy the day, but I still find it very hard. There are no breakfasts in bed, no handmade cards, or gifts given. No one to wish me Happy Mother’s Day, and if they do, I feel even worse.

For Halloween, there are no little costumes to buy or make. There is no excuse to go out trick or treating, and definitely no one’s treats to eat, unless you to go and buy some yourselfJ You don’t really have an excuse to go and decorate your house. You don’t have anyone to help you do a jack-o-lantern, if you even decide to do one at all.

 

That is just a small glimpse of what a childless parents’ life is like during the holidays and special days of the year when there are no children in your life. So, on the next holiday/special day that comes a long , take a moment to relish those handmade cards, and messy breakfasts in bed done by your kids. Enjoy those extra things you “have” to do, like buying your kids’ outfits, shopping for candy and gifts, and allow them to help you make those cookies that you need to make (or ones that they want to make for themselves!), for those are the times that you or they will not forget, and will last far longer than the holiday itself.

New Years Eve Re-Cap

I should be either studying, or in bed, as I have had a long and tiring day, but I realized that I had totally forgotten to blog about NYE.

The days btwn Victoria and my parents were really nice. We just hung out and relaxed. On the 29th, we had a bit of drama:) Mum and the kids were going to come in to watch THE HOBBIT, and invited hubby and I to come along. Since we hadn't watched it while we were in Victoria, we decided to join in. The plan was for them to watch the 1230 showing, and mum and I would watch another movie, as we weren't that into the movie, especially if there were other ones playing. Well, to make a long story short, they were 2 hours late, due to an accident on the highway:( The traffic was stopped, and the hwy was closed for I think nearly 3 hours altogether. They could have gone around a much longer way, but they decided to wait it out. In the meantime, Hubby and I just hung out, waiting for them. We had lunch, we bought coffee, and he bought me some gloves. They ended up making the 230 showing, and mom and i watched THE GUILT TRIP, which is hilarious!

We all left around 5, and got home in one piece! The roads were a bit scary, especially after being on the Coqu (which is a 4 lane hwy), but thankfully, the roads themselves were clear.

WE had a few great days with the family. It was a winter wonderland there (we knew that), and I wished had more time to play in the snow! Oh well, maybe next time. We did feed the sheep, and I got some nice pictures. I had two good visits with mum, two with Aunty Valerie (including one in front of the fireplace, with coffee and snacks). My sister and I went to Clrwtr to have tea, which turned into lunch, and stopped by to see Cady on the way back, only to have more snacks!!

For NYE evening, we went to a party that Aunty Valerie had set up at the church. It was crazy, but fun. We all had a nice supper, followed by games, and snacks then we watched a movie, called THE ULTIMATE GIFT, which is amazing. Ok, maybe not amazing, but it is good.  It is pretty much a Christian movie, and except for one part (a bit violent and scary), it is suitable for pretty much any age.The movie finished right before midnight, and we all sang that annoying NY song..LaLaud-something, cleaned up and went home.

We all slept in the next day. We had a very simple NY dinner, ham, turkey, potatoes, salad, and yams. Best dinner ever. I actually enjoyed helping! Dinner was divine, and we all played Mafia, and then just visited. We ended up leaving the next day, as everyone was beginning to get busy, and hubby wanted to come home. I am glad we did, as we had an extra day to relax:)

We spent some time with A&K, as they were back from TO, and I loved seeing BeBop again:) I missed him SO MUCH!!!

I am just finishing off my first week of school:) I am pretty tired, and I really should get to reading at least, but I am too tired! Oh well..I am trying very hard to relax, and not be busy with other things on wknds. I think I was busy from Dec 4th, to the day I went back to school. I have no idea what I did, but I am sure it involved a lot of Starbucks!! I also had errands to run, and ppl to meet, cause I am very popular like that!

My jaw hurt pretty much the entire time over Christmas, and i went to the doctor yesterday, and he said to just keep an eye on it. My jaw isnt hurting now, but now my bite is off...oh well..can still eat, so I guess there isn;t much of a problem!

My KM article is nearly done...I really like the topic this time.

Be Smart...Choose Grace

I wasn't going to blog tonight, because I should be finishing up my KM article (ok, I AM doing that), and getting organized for school tomorrow morning. However, today's sermon was good, and totally spoke to both hubby and I.

As we were leaving for church this morning, I said something to him (probably a bit silly of me), something about his faith and relationship with Jesus. He said he yes (good answer), but still said he had an issue relating to his dyslexia (why would God make or allow him to have it). I didn't say anything, and we went on to church.

This past week, one of our local pastors (not ours) died unexpectidally. I didn't know him well, although I did attend "his" church for a bit before finally settling on the current church I (we) are now. However, I found out today, that our Pastor was very good friends with Pastor Henry. Anyway, the part of why I am talking about this was that our Pastor talked about Grace today. Pastor Henry had also started (or was going to) a series in January on Grace. Through an email our pastor (who was preaching on grace today) got an email from Pastor Henry's church assistant saying that he was going to preach on Grace, and our Pastor took some of his thoughts (well, God's thoughts) on his message today. I just thought that was so interesting..but..I have digressed...

During the msg, our Pastor talked about NOT asking for answers as to why our life is the way it is, but to ask for Grace! It totally hit us!  I was thinking about hubby's statement, but I was also thinking about MY (well, our) circumstances, with not being able to have children. I have asked God MANY times why I was born with so many problems, why I got sick 3 yrs ago, why hubby can't have kids, etc. I ask God why I have to go back to school to get a career, which, let's be honest, I really don't want (I would much rather have babies and stay home, or at least work part time). I sometimes, even though I don't cry about it, wonder and start asking God questions. However, since hearing today's sermon, I am going to try harder to not ask questions, but to choose my life God has given me (us) with Grace.

 Grace is an odd thing..a lot of people have no clue what it is. It has become such a "wordly" word (which is fine), that no one uses the word with reverence anymore. With the sho Will and Grace coming out, I think a lot of people just think of Grace as a name. Grace is essentiall y, getting something that we don`t deserve (free gift). (Just an FYI Mercy is NOT getting something you deserve..ie..punishment, fine, etc). Grace as been very understood in the church, and in the general public. People have missconstrewed it, and also abused it. That is so unnecessary, and sad...and certainly not needed. God did not give us Grace, in order for it to be abused, and misused.

However, back to my original thought. I want to challenge us ALL to NOT question God (at least not as much as we used to), and to take what He has given us with Grace. I know there are some of you who have lost babies and members of your family, have children that have terminal diseases.. I don't know what to say to that. You are going through your own journies, and I am not here to judge (another thing that I want to try to do LESS!!..lol), so I don;t say this flippently. I only challenge us to pray each day for the grace and courage for the circumstances that YOU have in YOUR life..however that may be.

Look for my article coming in the KM Magazine for the Feb/March issue.

2012 in Review

Happy New Year!! I hope that 2012 was a good year, and that 2013 will be even better!

Looking back over this past year, I can honestly say that it was good. Yes, there were some bleh things that happened, but for the most part, it was good!

Jan-Honestly can't remember what happened this month..I just remembe that we had a really big cold snap.

Feb-Found out that we medically can't have kids (actually, I never really posted about this...). It was a tough few weeks, that is for sure. Ended up spending a night at a local hotel, which we very much needed.

March-Starting thinking about going to school. Started planning on how I would go about this...I thinkI decided to take the English Prep Course for May.

April-Easter and Lambing at the ranch. Again, not really sure what we all did...I probably should have gone back in my blog and have taken a look..haha.

May-Started my course. Fun and challenging and loved meeting new people. My aunt got married, and that was a wonderful wedding!! I was her MOH, and had such a fun time helping her plan the wedding. The day it self was amazing. I also found out that I had Diabetes this month. Sucky.

June-Celebrated my bday. Enjoyed an evening with my girls from church. Finished my English course. We went camping at the end of the month.

July-A very hot month. Enjoyed camping at Lac Le Jeune, and his sister and family joined us for the last half. Worked and enjoyed what I could of summer. Our niece "Rosebud" is born!!

August-Cousins reunion. Had a time with all my rellies!! It was wonderful seeing everyone, and I enjoyed the babies. We got to meet our neice!! Mom and I made a quick trip to Kelowna for a few days.

Sept-Started schol!! 'Nuff said. It was a great month. Also found out that I had a writing assignment/regular column for a Mom's magazine here in town.

October-Thanksgiving, and school...

November-School.

Dec- End of the first semester. WEnt to Victoria for Christmas. New Years at the Church/Ranch.

Well, that pretty much covers the year!!Hope this year is even better