Sunday, February 28, 2016

Friday Link Ups/TToT

Happy Sunday! I hope everyone had a great wknd. I just finished watching the Oscars, and I thought I would try to continue with the Friday Link up/TToT Post before heading to bed.

1)New Shoes
A while back, I bought a pair of shoes for work. I wore them one day, and they were horrible. I went back, and bought a new pair, and I LOVE them!!! Because I have such bad feet, I HAVE to have decent/expensive shoes. I just can't spend $20 on a new pair. They have to have good soles, and they have to be walkers/runners. I got another pair of Asecs, and they are awesome.

2)New Fridge
 A few weeks ago, our fridge freezer when on the fritz. Our manager gave us a new (ish) fridge. I am not a HUGE fan of the fridge part, but I LOVE the room in the freezer. Plus, food, ice, etc, actually stays frozen as it should be.

I went to the ranch again a few weeks ago (see below), and part of the reason was to see their new Guard Dog Puppies. They are precious! I was talking to Mom tonight, and she said that they still won't stay with the sheep on their own, but they are great little followers :) I can't wait to see them again.

4)Another Weekend at the Ranch
Speaking of which, like I said, I went to the ranch a few weeks ago. I went alone cause hubby wasn't feeling well, so I didn't press the issue. It was a nice few days, and the weather was lovely. I think we will go out for Easter.

5)Wonderful Weather
I am horrible at trying to remember what the weather was like past the last few days (if that!), unless it was a major snow or rain storm or some such thing. I know we have been having warm weather the last while (except today), and it was beautiful! I went to the park on Tuesday, and spent some time in the sun. Fabulous!

6)Dates with Hubby
Hubby and I have been getting out together a bit more. He finally got his disability chq after not getting it for a few months, and we ran a few errands. We also went to his eye appointment, and to do some grocery shopping. We went and ran a few errands a couple of weeks ago, on a Monday, and we also went to the dollar store to grab a few things. AND quite awhile back, he and I went to the dollar store, and to Tim Horton's for coffee. Oh, and of course, we went out for Valentine's Day. We went to White Spot for a lunch/dinner, and it was a fun time. The food was great, too. I had fish Tacos, which were actually really good. Hubs had a mushroom burger, and he said it was very good. We shared a Cherry Tart.

7)Gift Certificates
A few weeks ago, I had commented on our local radio station's Song of the Day pic, not knowing that I had entered to win $60 for/to NuLeaf, which is a garden/fresh store. It was SO FUN! I rarely win stuff. It was fun shopping in two separate trips (once alone, and once with A).
                                          The bulk of my shopping below. I spent $40 here.

8)Trying new Coffee shops
When my aunt was in town a month or so ago, we tried a new coffee shop, which was awesome!  Reservoir Coffee is a great place, and I would definitely go again.
Last Thursday, when A got his chq, and he got his blood work done, I told him that I wanted to take him to The Crazy and The German. I had been once before, but I don't remember if I had any of their bakery items. Well, we tried some this time, and they were Uh-Mazing! Actually, I didn't LOVE my pastry thing, but I think that it was partially because it was in the cooler/glass thing.
 My mocha was so good. Plus, they also had the same dishes as us :)
 I had a raspberry plunderteig. Yum!
                                                  Anker had the apple strudel. YUM!

9)Connecting with Family /Family who "get it"
I love connecting with my family. I enjoyed visiting with my two aunts in the last couple of months, and I enjoyed visiting with my aunt and uncle last wknd. I really appreciate my family who at least tries to understand my line of work, and how stressful it can be.
10) H's toy basket
I have been looking for a basket to put toys for H (and for when other kids come by, which isn't that for when he comes over. I finally found one at our local thrift store for $2.50, and I love it. It was EXACTLY what I was looking for!
That's all for this week!!!

Saturday, February 27, 2016


These are just some random, small bits of news that I feel doesn't really make the FoF/TToT post :)

*Our local McDonald's underwent a reno, and they re-opened after being closed a month. I LOVE their new look! It was actually the second time in the ten years that I have been here they this particular one underwent a reno...and I am very happy with the results :)

*I love new the Starbucks New Loyalty Program that will be starting up in April. As a latte/mocha/Frappuccino drinker, I think this is a great idea. The more money I spend, the more stars I get. Even though it now takes 125 stars before you get a free food or drink, I think it is a better system.

*I took myself on a date after ladies Bible Study on Tuesday night. I had a Cineplex card to use up, and since hubs and I couldn't think of a movie that we wanted to watch together, and I didn't get a Christmas gift from him (nor a VDay gift), I decided to go alone. I watched RISEN, and I encourage EVERYONE to watch it.

*I met up with a friend yesterday (Thursday), and we grabbed a coffee, and went to the park to sit, and then ended up having a walk. We talked for a full two hours, and we still could have talked longer. I think we get along so well. I am also enjoying our ladies Wednesday morning coffee/prayer/devo time at the church. I love connecting with other ladies, in a casual (but not a coffee shop) setting. Speaking of coffee shop, I met up with my girls group ladies for coffee last Friday (?) night. It was a short, but lovely visit. I always enjoy our times together. Oh...and Wednesday, my friend C and I got together at Tim Horton's. I hadn't seen her in AGES, and it was great to catch up. AND today (Friday), I went to my friend J's house for fresh bread and tea, and of course, a visit. We had a great time, as always. Our times are always too short!

*Since I have been off, I have been watching WAY too much tv. I have my dailies (JJ, Sugar - An old baking show, Bake with Anna Olson, and Y&R), plus Murder She Wrote, Grey's, Code Black, DA, Saving Hope, plus whatever award shows/specials/movies that are on. That doesn't even include the movies that I watch on our PVR, and that I get from the library, and/or movies that we own. I was planning on watching getting into Mike and Molly, but I think that will wait for another time.

*This could have gone in my Link Ups/TToT post, but I already have over 10 items, and since this one doesn't have a picture, and this was over two weeks ago, I thought I would put it here....I was spending a fair amount of time with H. He, Mom and I ran around town a few weeks ago running errands. It was hysterical seeing Mom interact with him while they were out and about. Now, I have obviously seen her in action before, but I don't think while they were around town. She totally spoiled was hilarious! I loved it!!! I babysat him one night two weeks ago, which was fun...and Friday, the 12th, I looked after him, while his parents went out. I also stayed over night twice that same week, which H thought was fun. I did go over there Thursday, to drop off some books that I had bought for him, and we had a nice little visit over lunch. They are coming over here Saturday for lunch and a visit.

*This also could have gone in my link up/TToT post, since I am SO HAPPY about this (and I still might put in there, as well), but, again, since I was over my 10 (five for link ups), and it didn't have a picture, well, I thought I would put it here. My laptop's battery gave way probably over a year ago now, and I been having to use the cord, which has been fine, until last summer, when, while we were away, it started splitting and giving me trouble. After fixing it countless times, and us realizing that it was also the connecting INSIDE of the laptop, he finally was able to hard wire it in. I am SO HAPPY! I love that husband of mine!!! He may not give me expensive gifts, or take me out on/for fancy dates, but he sure can fix stuff!!! I heart him, big-time!

Well,...those are my randoms for this post!!!

Friday, February 26, 2016

When Grief Comes Like A Flood: Fertility Matters Canada Edition

 One of the exciting that has happened to me in the last while was that I was contacted by Fertility Matters Canada/IAAC to do some blogging for them for their new website. Well, "contacted by" them isn't really true...they asked on their Facebook Page if any Canadian bloggers who blogged about infertility would like to blog on/for their website. I contacted them almost right away. It took awhile, but they finally got back to me. When I first got the email, a week or so ago, I wasn't sure if my blog was really what they wanted, so I didn't respond. Then, the ED emailed me, and asked if she could call me, to talk about blogging. We chatted the next day, and I told her about my blog, and a bit of our story. She seemed really excited about it, and she took a look over my blog, and thought that it is what they are looking for. I was hoping that it would be a paying gig, but, alas, it is only volunteer, but hey, it gets my blog and name, and more importantly, this cause out there, so I am still happy!!! She wants me to blog about every month or so to start, and we will see on how it goes from there. She liked what I had written a few weeks ago, so I thought that I would start with this post, but do some editing of it. So, without further ado, here goes. I expect Huffington Post to contact me any day now :)

Grief is a funny thing. It comes in waves. A a couple of months back, I was having a really tough day. I was REALLY down, and I am RARELY super down on my days off. It was just a tough day all the evening, I finally chalked it up to (at least in part) our infertility. I was sad that we couldn't have kids. Sad that we had been "dealt" this hand of cards. Sad that our life was just us and our cat(s). Sad that I will never know it is like be called "mom". Just sad in general.

The thing with infertility (like most losses, and yes, it is a loss), is that you are fine (well, mostly "fine") with it for a few weeks, or even months at a time, then suddenly, something will happen, and you will have a off day; and feel sorry for yourself. It comes like a flash flood....a wave. It almost paralyzes you. It isn't fun to experience. You feel that there is no way out...that no one understands. Then, after a few hours (thankfully, the real hard part only lasts a few hours or maybe a day or so), it will pass, and you can get back to your regularly-scheduled life. And that's ok. I am allowing myself to feel that. I don't want to to take over and to cripple me. I have been there (depression) a few times, and it is not fun. But for a few hours, or a day, I will let myself be sad, and then I will usually snap out of it. If it gets really bad, I will go to some of the infertility groups on Facebook, or I will talk with one of sisters, or mom. Sometimes, I talk with hubby...he usually help me me that much. He is pretty good at reading me...and although I will usually have to bring it up, he can usually already tell...and will try to say something encouraging.

Grief can come on so strikes when you least expect can be in the form of something so "small", like a P@amper commercial, or a G3rb3r Baby commercial. It is sad, really. Or, it can be something SO huge and monumental, like a friend or a family member having a baby (or announcing it), baby showers (I rarely go to those anymore), pregnancy / adoption announcements on Social Media, or seeing a cute baby while out shopping. Don't forget the cute clothes and toys!!! Those can also trigger it sometimes. When it last really hit me was when I read an article about infertility in a magazine. I think it was talking about IVF, and I just got super down about it all.

The thing is, grief is never planned. It always creeps up on you, usually with little to no warning. Very few people "get" the grief that is infertility. They certainly don't think of it as a loss. When you lose someone you love, there are the Seven Stages of Grief. There are groups, books, etc, to help you. There are very few books, support groups, and virtually no stages of grief when it comes to infertility. Counsellors barely (if at all) know on how to counsel in this area. So, I am learning as I go (hubby, too, I am sure). It isn't easy. It is hard. But, I guess this is what God wants me to undertake. If I help one person, whether through blogging, or in real life, then I will feel that it has been worth it.

*****This is a post contributing to a blog on Fertility Matters Canada. I am not receiving any compensation for this. All thoughts are my own.*****

Thursday, February 25, 2016


This is one of those Title-only posts that have been in my drafts for a month or so, so I think I should either write it up/out, or delete it.

*****Disclaimer**** I am in no way a parenting expert. I am not a parent, so I have zero experience in this area. I am only writing my experience as a child. I don't want to get nasty emails telling me that I have no business on talking about parenting issues, when I am not one myself.*******

I have never really been one for attachment-parenting. I always thought that it was something that "hippie-parents" did. I never really understood the bonding issue; I never understood on how parents (both bio and adoptive) could stay home for weeks and months on end and "cocoon" themselves with them and their babies. I have however, been thinking about this the last while. Here's why....

I was born with A LOT of medical issues...thus I stayed in the hospital for almost two years. Since my parents did (and still do!) live in the boonies (there was no nice highway back then), 6 hours from where I was born, she would come in once a month for a few days a time. My dad saw me a few grandparents were living in Victoria at the time, so they would come and visit me, which I am sure help eliviate my parents' fears. Things were done differently back then. If that were me, I would be there 24/7 with my baby...especially if they were my first child. But this was almost 40 years ago was just done differently, and, for the most part, that's ok. But here is where I find fault with on how life was done....and it's in no way my mom's fault...she didn't get to hold me for MONTHS, due to my being on a respirator, and attached to many tubes. I didn't cry until I was taken off the respirator, at nearly two years of age.

This short bi-optic leads me to why I am writing about this tonight....attachment (or lack thereof) is very real. I KNOW that I have issues stemming from when I was sick as a child...and lack of being held, touched (thought I think they were able to touch me a fair bit), and of course, abandonment. Attachment, however, is very near and dear to my heart. It is something that I think I struggle with. Attachment to friends, family, co-workers...well, to people, actually. LOL. I tend to either over share, or not share enough. I also tend to become an introvert....or something like that. I become closed off, and not want to join in on group things. I was really bad when I was a teenager/young adult. I HATED group games, etc. I am still not a huge group person (I think I am worse, in some ways...since being in groups, I can get claustrophobic), but I am much better than I used to be. I also hate it when people leave the room suddenly (this is also having to do with abandonment, but it is still also the same thing...sort of). When I know that Anker is suppose to be bed with me at night, and if I wake up, and he isn't there, I freak out. If someone just leaves out of the house, it totally bugs me. This has to do with Mom and other people suddenly leaving me. I also would spend HOURS in my room as a teenager. I think that is pretty normal, but I think I spent more than my fair share of hours alone in my room.

So, the reason in part that I am doing this, is that I feel that attachment is SO important. When you have a baby, either bio or adopted, it is SO important to bond and attach yourself to/with your baby. I would even go as far as to say to not allow anyone to hold him/her for a few weeks after it is born (that being said, I got to hold H when we was two weeks old or so). I think that passing a baby around so soon (especially in those first few weeks) can interfere with the bonding/attachment process. I don't even ask to hold someone's baby for the first few weeks. Heck, I don't even VISIT them for the first few weeks or months after they have had the baby! I even think that staying home for the first few days, to a couple of weeks (though, I would probably get cabin fever) is a good idea. Or, at least not going to public events (church, meetings, etc). But the main reason for this post is that attachment (or rather, lack thereof) is real. It is important, and it is to be respected.

***It is now very late February 25/16, and I started this a month or so ago. I wrote the last few sentences tonight. The first few parts were written on different days, in different sessions***

LBFBH/Salmon Arm Wknd

This last wknd, I went to Salmon Arm (from her on in, I will refer to it as SA), to see my aunt and uncle. They have been there for almost a year, and they have asked us to come on over sometime, so I finally decided to make the trek over to see them. Since it was primarily going to be a girls' wknd, I didn't pressure Anker to come, and it is nice to get away alone sometimes. He gets the wknd to watch is "weird shows", and to have wknd without my complaining or nagging (yes, I admittingly do this), and I get to hang out with my aunt, and do girl things. It's a win-win for both of us!!!

The drive is nice, and just over an hour from the edge of town. I also stopped at Steamers, thinking that there was a British Shop that used to be there, which seems to have gone out of business. Sadness! I arrived on Friday afternoon, around 4, and we basically just hung out all evening. We had leftovers of ham, and rice, and we watched some Big Bang Theory, then she and I watched a movie, called "No Reservations". I had seen in before a few years ago, but I hadn't seen in awhile, and it was great to see it again. Saturday, I slept in, and we had a late breakfast of pancakes and eggs. Then Shelley and I went into town. It was sunny when we started out, but it quickly cooled off. We had a fun time of wandering around the downtown core of SA. Some of the places we visited were The Candy Vault, The Lake Effect, Sapori Oil and Vinegar (this link says it's in Armstrong, but they have a Salmon Arm store as well), Bookingham Palace (in Picadilly Mall), Bella, and Spirit Quest Books (which I felt weirded out). I think those were all the places that I/we visited! Oh, and we also went to Starbucks :) We had a LOVELY visit, and thoroughly enjoyed our time together. Not sure what we had that night for supper, but it was good. Oh yes, Shelly made some chicken with a soy sauce. It was good...very interesting. LOL. We watched TBBT (I got her "caught up" as best I could), and stayed up far too late. Sunday, we got up and grabbed a bite to eat, and we went to take their dog for a walk/run. We went for a nice drive, and then parked by the lake for an hour, and we visited and played with the dog. It was a beautiful morning, and I took some great pics. We came home, and she made us lunch, and then she and I watched some more TBBT, and I left around 4:30. I got home around 6, and we just hung out, had a nice evening. Anker said he had a nice wknd at home, and he didn't miss me too much!!

Oh yes....while I was there, I totally forgot that our car's insurance was going to run out that night. Thankfully, I was able to renew it while we were in town, but I was panicked there for a couple of hours.

So, here are some pics that I took on my phone:

                                                      Downtown Salmon Arm

                                                               Beef Au Juis
                                                                 My fur-Cousin, Cassie
                                                               Shuswap Lake
                                                                Me and my tea
                                                             Mist over the lake.

                                                       And of course, a Starbucks :)
Linking up with Tiffany

Cooking and Recipes

Yes, I am still around :) I have a bunch of blog posts that I want to do, and like anything, I procrastinate for ever, then, once I start doing something, I can't seem to stop. LOL. So, be prepared for an enslaught of posts.

As I have stated before, I am not the worlds best cook. Between, not always having a lot of ingredients, not having a dishwasher, working, having a picky husband, and just being lazy, I tend to not make a lot of recipes or otherwise. I DO love looking at/for recipes, though, and I do enjoy cooking at work, since there seems to always be fun ingredients to work with.

Over the last few weeks, I have cooked three really fun (and great!) recipes lately. Of course, we have been eating more than three times, but these are the three recipes that I have found, made and ate, and were really good.

A few weeks ago ago at work, I made Becel Mustard Maple Salmon. It was SO good! I probably would have kept to the original amounts of syrup and margarine, though. I did add some extra, thinking that it needed a bit more, when, in the end, it was a bit too much. We also didn't put any mustard in it. Definitely would try it again.

A week or so ago, I made Pork Schnitzel. It was VERY good! I didn't add any sauce to it, as it didn't "come" with any, but I did make some dill sauce tonight, to go with the leftovers (which, FYI, didn't really taste good), which was ok, but not great.

Then, last night, I made chicken noodle Soup. Now, I am NOT a huge soup lover. Just ask my mom. However, I did not want to waste the roast chicken that we bought and ate, so I thought it would be fun to make a soup out of it. It turned out really well. I didn't take a good picture of it, so I wont post it here, but if you follow me on IG, or FB, you can check it out on there. I added Rotini to it, some veggies, and Anker seasoned it, and it was awesome!!!

With me on sick leave right now, I hope to try to make some good dinners!

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Life Lately

Yes, I am still alive!! Just in a bit of a blogging funk, is all. Other than a couple of short posts (including one that was a draft from way last fall), it has been a month since a last blogged. You haven't missed much, trust me.

Here are a few of the happenings around here:

I am going to the ladies Wednesday morning coffee time, and I love it. I love getting up and out (sort of) early in the morning. I love getting to know new ladies, not just from our church, but from the community.

Anker has had to re-apply for disability benefits, which means we have to stand in line for who knows how long tomorrow, and sign papers...again. ugh! Thankfully, the Ministry called us, which is awesome. Kudoos to them.

Hung out with H a few times, and he, Mom and I ran a few errands a couple of weeks back. I stayed and A and K's twice week, which was kind of fun.

I am really hoping our neighbours move out soon. They are annoying.

Sahara is pregnant. Yes, she got out while she was on/in heat (we didn't know for sure if she was spayed or not..was hoping to get it done after she was out of heat), and decided to be a kitty of the night for a few nights. Do you think we can sue the neighbours' (yes, the same ones we want gone) for kitty support? :)

We picked up my aunt and uncle's car from the airport, and had his car here for nearly three weeks, and then picked them up from the airport on BC Family Day. We went out for coffee, and had a nice chat.

My other aunt and uncle were in town on Sunday, and we had coffee with them Sunday evening. I went to their hotel room Monday aft/eve (she had eye surgery) and we had a nice chat for an hour or so.

Valentine's Day was quite nice. I went to church, then to the VDay Lunch that they had after. It was SO good!! I went to McD's and had a coffee, and journalled for a bit. Then, hubs and I went out for supper. We went to White Spot, and had a lovely supper, and then came home and went out for coffee later (see above).

After going to our church for nearly 10 years, and I have finally decided to become a member. I was going to become a member a few years ago, but there seemed to be a lot to it (they have since changed it...or I thought it was more than it really was), so when I went to our church's AGM yesterday (Tuesday), they asked if I wanted to be a member. So, I filled out the paperwork, and I just need the official approval, then it's done. Yay!

I had my eye exam a couple of weeks ago. Everything is good. I can get a new set of glasses if I want, but I really don't need to right now.

I went private for a few days on IG, but then I realized that I wasn't getting as much likes, and it wasn't nearly as much fun, so I went back to public. Meh...who cares if the crazies follow me? :)

I went to the ranch a few weeks ago (again, alone). It was a fun time. Well, it was a time :) LOL. It is always great to get home for a few days.

I might do some blog posts for Fertility Matters in the next while. I am not sure if my blog is what they need, but we shall see.

I won $60 in GC from our local radio station to a local market. That was totally fun. I will post links, and pics in my Friday Link up post. We had fun buy produce, and locally made things.

Hubby fixed my computer. I am so stoked. He took it part, y'all. He hardwired everything in, so that it hopefully doesn't have issues again. This makes me happy. That was partly why I wasn't blogging much....just didn't want to start a post, only to have the computer die.

Well, those are the highlights that I can think of for now. I am sure that there are more, but I will update in another post.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Show and Tell Tuesday: Winning My Heart

Linking up with Andrea for the bi-Tuesday link up: Show and Tell Tuesday! This weeks (well, last weeks now) is Winning My Heart.

It doesn't take much to make me happy...especially when it comes to things from my hubby. We did The Five Love Languages a few years ago, and although mine is pretty much all five...(we al actually NEED all five)I really love gifts and physical touch. And acts of service. And Words of Affirmation. And Quality Time. Ha! I NEED all these in my life. I am actually lacking in ALL these right now..but that's for another post :) Anyway...I think my LL are Gifts and Physical Touch. When hubby goes and gets me something (esp on/for special holidays)..albeit a card, or something small from the dollar store. There is something that makes me feel loved and cherished. And that isn't just from him...when ANYONE gives me a gift, it makes me heart happy, and my soul sing. Another one is physical touch. I love hugs, and arms around each other...and of course....lots of cuddling (this being done with my I love on how put his arm or hand on my back, or gives me a surprise hug. Those things show me that he loves me. AND I do those things (ok, not the cuddling, etc) to/for others to show my love for them.

What's in my (make-up) Bag

****I had hoped to have actually done an itemized list to go along with the pictures, but I never did get to it, and since this was in my drafts until a few weeks ago, and I still haven't updated  it in the way I had hoped, it will probably just stay like this. My apologies. I hope to maybe do a "favourite make up" post sometime soon. February 25/16****

I love on how in US Weekly, they have their segment on What's in My Bag! The stars spill out what is in their bags...which I find very interesting. And cool. So, that, along with all the beauty (bargain) finds posts that I see floating around, well, I thought I would do a make-up post.

So, here ya go! Please note, that I am a "drug-store" shopper, for pretty much EVERYTHING! That being said, though, drugstores have gotten MUCH better in the last 15 years in what they carry. We aren't in a large city, so we only have drugstores (ie: London Drugs, Shoppers Drug Mart, and Wal-Mart) to chose from when it comes to beauty, make-up, skin care, etc. We don't have Sephora, or Mac (We don't even have Merle Norman anymore, as it closed a few years ago). Of course, we have salons (spa, hair, etc) to chose from, and I am just reminded of Sears, and The Bay, and even the Dollar Stores are getting better at carrying decent make up, and we also have a store called Sally's, which is pretty good, too. Oh yes, and The Beauty Shop...and Bath and Body Works do, too..and probably Winners. Ok, we have more than Drugstore finds, but that is where I go (mostly) to find my my make up.

At any rate....I have make up...a lot of it. The funny part of it is, I hardly wear the stuff. I will go WEEKS without so much as applying lip gloss (though I am doing better at that), before I leave the house. Why? I have no clue. Sometimes, I don't feel like, or I am running late....or, I don't feel like fiddling around trying to find something. Or, I have too much to chose from. Yes, you heard that correctly. I have too much to chose from. Why? Well, partly it is because I was in Avon for a few years a few years ago. I joke that I was my best customer. I HATE throwing things away/out. I know you're only supposed to keep it for 6 months...well, I keep mine for YEARS. Unless it's mascara: that I keep for 6 months, then I throw it out. But the rest, though, I keep for far too long. Probably longer than it is healthy. But, I haven't died from it yet (or got sick), so I continue to keep it. I think partly why I keep is that I love it, and I think (which is probably true) that I will never be able to find it again. So, I keep it until it is empty (ok, this is most of my stuff..I DO throw SOME THINGS nail polish, lipstick, etc), and/or broken, and then with a huge sigh and a tear, I throw it out. usual, I digress....I took pictures of my make up this evening, and here is my ENTIRE contents (but please keep in mind that this did not include my skin creams, and not all of my hand lotions, not all of my chap sticks, and not all of my disinfectant gels that I keep in my purse, and in my bag). I also threw my FLOWER lipstick out right after I took the picture, b/c the top broke off awhile back, and I was tired of having it covered by/with a tissue and one of my hair elastics. are my pictures...

Yes, I have a lot. Yes, I may have been dreaming of buy more stuff. Seriously, I think I have a problem.

This is my current make-up haul. When/while I was taking this picture, hubby came in to tell me something, and he looked, shook his head, asked me "what are you doing?", to which I responded "It's for my blog, dear", and he just said "ok", smiled and left.
 My haul includes: a set of make up brushes, two bottles of eye make up removal (Avon to the left, and MK to the right), one dry foundation, one wet foundation, one face corrector, and two bottles (one that is almost empty) of Avon face perfector, two mascaras (the pink one is Maybelline Great Lash Waterproof in Brown-ish black), and the gold tube is FLOWER Zoom-in Ultimate Mascara in Brown black (it has a 3-in-1 tube applicator, which I love), 10 eye shadows, including two cremes, and three loose powders) and 20 (I think??) lipsticks, which also include 8 lip glosses, and 8 eye liners (minus one, the small one on the left, since I just threw it out)....and 3 hand lotions, 5 chapsticks, and three disinfectant gels.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

When Grief Comes like a Flood

This is another one of those posts that have been title-only, and I have been wanting write this since before Christmas. Yes, it's raw and real...but fear not..there will be some "fluffy" posts coming soon!

Grief is a funny thing. It comes in waves. I was on my 4 days off, when this title/post came to me. I was having a really tough day. I was REALLY down, and I am RARELY super down on my days off. It was just a tough day all the evening, I finally chalked it up to (at least in part) our infertility. I was sad that we couldn't have kids. Sad that we had been "dealt" this hand of cards. Sad that our life was just us and our cat(s). Sad that I will never know it is like be called "mom". Just sad in general.

The thing with infertility (like most losses, and yes, it is a loss), is that you are fine (well, mostly "fine") with it for a few weeks, or even months at a time, then suddenly, something will happen, and you will have a off day; and feel sorry for yourself. It comes like a flash flood....a wave. It almost paralyzes you. It isn't fun to experience. You feel that there is no way out...that no one understands. Then, after a few hours (thankfully, the real hard part only lasts a few hours or maybe a day or so), it will pass, and you can get back to your regularly-scheduled life. And that's ok. I am allowing myself to feel that. I don't want to to take over me. To cripple me. I have been there (depression) a few times, and it is not fun. But for a few hours, or a day, I will let myself be sad, and then I will usually snap out of it. If it gets really bad, I will go to some of the infertility groups on Facebook, or I will talk with one of sisters, or mom. Sometimes, I talk with hubby...but he usually doesn't help me too Sometimes, hubby is pretty good at reading me...and although I will usually have to say something, he can usually tell...and will try to say something encouraging. top it off....grief sucks. Infertility sucks. But, God is Bigger!!! And I try to cling to that! He is Bigger than Grief, and Infertility. He knows what I need/want before I ask Him! He may not give me what I desire, but he WILL give me with what I NEED! Do I/we need a child? No. Do I/we need His Grace, and Mercy? Umm...YES!!!! I NEED God's Strength every day, every day (to quote and in the voice of Chandler from FRIENDS)! I am thankful that He gives me what I need...not what I want.