Thursday, October 29, 2015

Friday Things (On Thursday), and An Update

Yup...still here! Just haven been busy...oh, lying around and relaxing...and working!

We are doing ok. Anker still struggles to get out, so I do most of the errands, etc. I am ok with that, for the most part. I haven't done a whole of cleaning, etc. I manage to keep the kitchen fairly decent, and I do laundry, and that's about it. I/we have been pretty much lying low, relaxing, watching TV/movies, and running errands, church, work (for me).

Last wknd was my "off wknd", and I actually cannot remember what I did. It was THAT exciting!! LOL. Actually, I took last Wednesday off as a lieu day, so I had 6 days off, and I didn't get a lick of things done! But, it was great to have some time off.  I know I went to church, had a snacky lunch with A, K, and H, and we had a nice visit, and then I made carrot cupcakes with cream cheese icing in the evening. Anker and I watched American Sniper in the evening, which was interesting. Saturday, I had to pick up something that I got off one of the bidding sites, and I think I went (back) to Walmart to return a mattress cover, and I picked up food from Montana's. We had a nice supper, and watched JOBS, and I think a couple of episodes of Y&R. Friday, was payday, nad I had also stayed at my SIL's, so after she and I went for coffee (see below), I ran around and got a few things; groceries, etc. It was a good day of running around, and accomplishing nothing. I watched a couple of movies on my laptop...including my first Christmas movie of the year...I watched Madea's Christmas, and it was pretty funny.LOL. Thursday, I hung out during the day, and around 2, I went to the park, and I sat for awhile, reading magazines, and enjoying the fall beauty. I picked up something that I won on the bidding site, and then I went to Krystle's for a sleepover. Adam was out of town for a couple of days, so she invited me, which was awesome (FYI: I joked that I would "never see" them. I think I have been up there once a week since they moved.). We had supper, and chatted a bit, perused the bidding sites (yes, I have become a bit addicted), and watched Letters To Juliet. We went to bed around 11 or so...well, I stayed up a little longer. I also didn't sleep much at all. That is really rare for me. I usually get some sleep. I only got three hours'. Oh well. We dropped H off at pre-school, and she had to pick something up that she got on one of the bidding sites. I took her for coffee at Starbucks, since I hadn't give her a bday present, and then we had a nice visit, and then we went to the dollar store, where I proceeded to get more Hallowen socks! The rest of the day, I ran around doing errands. Friday evening, we had an early supper (can't remember what it was at the moment), and then I relaxed in our bedroom, watching movies on YouTube. Wednesday, I had a staff meeting in the afternoon, and then I spent four hours at the library! It was pure, heaven! Then I just relaxed at home, reading magazines, and hanging out on the computer. Tuesday, I was supposed to meet up with a friend, so I was waiting around for her to call, or text. In the end, she forgot, but I ended up going out for a bit anyway. So, that was my/our week. Anker has taken up knitting again, and STILL harvesting stuff from the garden. Our yard seems to be a haven for kitties, as we will often see one or two hanging out on our backyard swing.

So....them there's the highlights!!

Now, on the favourites part of the last week or so....

1. Gift Cards, Gift, Cards, Gift Cards

I/we got three GC's this week. And I/FINALLY used one that Anker had got from the church when he quit there over a year ago. That was to Montana's (it actually was for 5 restaurants, but we only really have 2...we have a "partial Harvey's", but we wouldn't use it there). On Sunday, I was talking with my friend after church, and I was telling her on how things are a bit tough right now...and she said "follow me to Starbucks, and I will buy you a drink". Well, she not only bought me a drink, but she bought me a $25 GC card! I was SO HAPPY, SURPRISED, and THANKFUL!  If you want to make/see me happy, buy me a Starbucks GC! That totally made my week!
                               Me with my magazines and my Caramel Macchiato yesterday.

Hubby also got a GC from his sister to the same five restaurants that the church got for him, so we are super stoked about that. We love Montana's!!! I also won a $10 GC from Bold Pizzeria. I put my pizza on IG, and tagged them, and they just back to me, saying that I had won yay!!

2. Student Loan

Because I am the only one making money right now, I finally went online to try to defer my SL for a few months, or at least make the payments less than what I am paying now. I don't have an answer yet, but they do put it on hold while they come to a decision, so that is awesome.

3. Talking with N

I talked with my niece N yesterday, and she is such a cutie! She thought that I should go as a Kitty to our Halloween party at work. She also said that she already got candy, but "mama put it up, cause L can choke on it". LOL. She is also going as a giraffe, and L is going as a Tiger. She talks non-stop! I heart her.

4. Awesome TV

Loving TV this fall. I LOVE Code Black! It is like the ER of the 2010's! I hope they don't cancel it. Speaking of cancelling shows, GLOBAL (one of Canada's three national TV stations) cancelled one of my favourite NEW shows; Remedy. I am so mad! Ugh! I know, I know..first world problems.

5. Facebook Groups

I have said it before, and I will say it again..I LOVE my Facebook Groups. I have lots...caring for a sick spouse, infertility, and of course, the bidding groups! And, yes, I have been selling as well as buying! I am getting rid of a few things, and making a few bucks, as well, which makes me happy.

I will be doing a TToT as well, either today, or tomorrow :)

Oh..and here is something that has been floating around the interwebs. I lol'd.

Linking up with:

Wednesday, October 21, 2015


Expecting (ly).

Over the wknd, while I was at work, I had Priase 106.5 FM playing on the computer, as I was doing paper work, etc. It was nice to have some Christian ambiance while I was at work, especially since I couldn't get to church. They had on a program, Keep the Faith, which is an encouragement radio show, where they had a montage of things...pre-recorded people who call in sharing awesome things that God had done, a short snippet of a preacher/author saying an encouraging word, songs, etc. John Maxwell, who is a Life Coach and also a Christian, talked about his version of what prayer is (to be fair, I didn't hear the whole thing, since I was working), and just now, as I was trying to find out more about here, I came across this article on his blog, and I thought that I would share it. He also has a Facebook Page. I found it very uplifting. I also enjoyed listening to the pre-recorded stories, but it also got me thinking: When DO we stop praying for something? Here is what got me thinking about it: A lady had shared that she had her husband had had a baby, but had wanted to have another one, but she was scared, since she had had a bad pregnancy (or something like that, remember I was at work, and not able to catch it all), and wasn't sure if she wanted to have another one. She prayed a lot, sought God, read the Bible, etc. One day, she talked with her husband about having another baby, and they prayed together, etc, and now, they are pregnant. That's a great story, and all, but that's what got me thinking..."What if our prayers don't get answered?" "When do we stop praying for what we need/want"?

 I am not talking about JUST infertility here, but since this is where I am at, and mainly what my blog is about, I will concentrate on that. DO we stop praying? And when we realize that what we want isn't going to happen, how do we shift our desires, and prayers? How long do we keep "expecting"? I often wonder if God gets tired of my same old prayer..He is probably saying.."Gee whiz, woman, stop praying for're infertile, you can't adopt, can't foster...get a hold of yourself, and get on with life." or, "Here we go again...same old prayer." I don't think he thinks that, but maybe He gets angels to stand in for Him, while I know, so that He can help that kid or mom with cancer. I know we will never have kids, but I can't stop praying for a miracle. I have "moved on" in the sense that I have gone to school, in hopes of working with kids. I am not working with them, which although I am sad about, maybe for now, it is the best, since maybe being with them would be too hard for me. But there is still a part of me that hasn't moved on from my dream. A dream that I have had since I was 5.

 You just can't give up on infertility, no more than a family can (not) give up on a child who has terminal cancer. But, you pray for peace, for understanding, for healing. You shift your thinking, your life to something (or someone) different. You look beyond your circumstances. You try to find encouragement in/with others. You find support groups. You listen to worship music. You read the Bible. Or maybe you don't do those things. I think it's in wherever you are in your grieving process; the loss of a baby, the loss of (not) having a baby, the loss of a child, husband, etc. Everyone's grieving process is different. No two people grieve the same way. And that's ok. No one can tell you what/how to/you feel (despite what everyone says, or tries to do or tell you).

I seem to have digressed.

Back to the subject of this post....

So, how long do we hold on, praying expectingly for? At what point do we shift our prayers to "please God, give me this", to "ok, that's not going to happen, help me heart, etc"? I have no clue, I am preaching to the choir. DO we stop praying? DO we move on?  Is it dangerous to "keep waiting/expecting", and to continue to pray? I don't know...just some questions that I have been having.

The One where April Can't Cry

If you're a FRIENDS fan, then you've probably seen/heard about the episode "The one where Chandler Can't Cry". It cracks me up! I am SO MUCH like him!

Some people cry during baby commercials (k, I have done this once), movies, when they see an animal in the street, weddings, babies, funerals, during church (worship, etc), etc. I do not.

Here's the thing....I can/do cry. Just at stupid things. Like when Anker and I are having a tough time (you know what I, him not spending time with me, when he gets upset, etc), or when I get into trouble (work, etc), or, when Mom talks to me, corrects me (yes, she still does, etc. You know..the Mom-talk!! I cry when it revolves around my health (sometimes...depending on what it is). Basically, I cry whenever it is about me.  I NEVER cry at movies, shows, commercials, weddings (heck, I didn't even cry at my OWN wedding!),, babies, etc. I get sad, angry, etc. Last night, hubby and I were watching Amazing Race, and the pit stop was at an orphanage in Zimabawe, and it definitely pulled at my heart strings. It even pulled on Anker's, which is something (since he is, well..a guy!)! So, please don't get me wrong, I DO have feelings. But I just don't cry. When I think I should. When people think I should. When Matt died this spring, I cried, but only at the beginning. And that was it. I didn't cry at the funeral. I didn't cry at the grave site. I felt like an idiot. Of course, I was sad. I didn't understand on why this happened to one of my oldest friends, and her/their family. I was angry, but I didn't cry. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I didn't feel human. I didn't cry at my great aunt's funeral a few years back..actually, I don't think I have ever cried when a family member died (to be fair, most of the family members who have died were older, and I wasn't super close to them). I was really young when my grandma died, so I didn't cry then. When my grandpa died, well, he had been so sick for so long, we were so grateful that he was free from pain, etc.

 I haven't really really cried when it comes to my/infertility. I have gotten angry, and sad...but never really crying over it. It's not that I am not sad; it is quite the opposite; but it is just that again, it is a loss, another dream of mine, dying. I already had my other problems, heart, lung, PCOS, diabetes, etc, and when this happened (both Anker's DX, and my caution to never carry a baby), that, in all honesty, I was just done. When Anker got his SA DX back, we were both shocked (we now realize that it had something to do with either his disease...or Chicken pox), and very deeply sad, hurt, and angry, but I didn't cry (Anker might have, but not in front of me). I have had a few days where I have shed a tear or two over it, and have definitely felt down about it (I am in that slump right now), but never fully wept.

Does that make me a bad person? I hope not. I like to think that I am caring, and as such do have feelings. I just don't see the need to cry. I have tried, and it doesn't happened. I have. Honest. But I just can't make the tears flow.

This could stem from when I was a baby, and in the hospital for the first two years of my life. People came and went, and I just got used to it. I still have anxiety when people just up and leave (or, when I come in from a room, and they...whoever they are...aren't there). And that I know stems from people leaving my hospital room all the time. Maybe I have built a wall when it comes to certain things; loss, true feelings (however, I do cry when I am in counselling, or sometimes, when I am having a serious talk with someone). Maybe I haven't lived enough. Maybe I am just used to working extra hard for things (marriage, work, school, etc), that I am used to things not going so great, so when big things, like loss, and failure happen, I just am used to it. I DO, however, sometimes get upset, if things are extra work, a bad day, finances, etc, so it's not like I never cry when this stuff happens to me/us. I have also cried in church, during worship, though this hasn't happened often.

At any rate, that is why I can't cry. Or at last about why I can't cry.

What Kind of Mother Would I Be?

I have often thought on what kind of mother I would be/make. (I have often thought of what kind of father Anker would be/make, but that is for another post). Would I even be a GOOD mom? Would be I be the fun mom? The helicopter mom? The crazy Don't-Touch-My-Kid-Until-You've-Washed-Your-Hands Mom? The Don't touch my baby/child EVER mom? Would I make crafts (colour, make/play play dough) and bake with/for them? Would I sit them in front of the TV while I played on the computer? Would I be strict? Lax? Would I give in, or, be a hard a$$? Would I let them eat treats? Would we eat healthy? Would I love them (I would hope that I would)? Would I bond with them? Would I even LIKE them? Would I be subjected to hurting them (hey, this has crossed my mind)? Would I be caring? Calm? Nurturing? Kind? Loving? Teaching them the Bible? To be a good Christian? To follow be like Jesus? Would I talk kind to them? Or would I always be "barking" at them? Would I love them? Die for them? Hurt/cry with them? Would I do anything for them? Anything to protect them? How would we discipline them? Would I be able to answer all of their questions ("like, hey mom, why is the sky blue?" "I don't know, Dear, Google it.")? Would I be able to help them with their homework? Would I do lots of reading/research just in general (healthy living, etc), but especially if they had ASD, allergies, etc? The list goes on.

What about during the pregnancy? Would I eat properly? Would I do anything for my baby? Would I have PDD? Would I be one of those moms who think that world revolves around her and her growing belly? Would I take advice? Would I read lots of books about pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting (hey, magazine count, right??)? Would I fight for my baby/child? Would I do lots of research (as stated above) if needed?

There are SO many questions!! I have been thinking about this lately. I honestly have no clue on how good of a mom I would be. I hope that I would be, as I have had LOTS of wonderful role models. I hope that I would be all things that a Good Mom should be. I would want them to love others, love Jesus, and of course, themselves. I would teach good body image, and hopefully, not concentrate on good nutrition vs body weight, and appearance. Again, the list goes on, which I won't bore you with, but you get the gist.

Sadly, I won't ever get to experience that. I have a LITTLE experience with my younger brothers and sister, and now H (N and L, too, but I am not with them nearly as much). I think I am the cool, fun, aunt. I love spending time with H, and I think he loves spending time with me/us. Spending time with him makes me happy, sad, and tired all at the same time! It gives me a sense of mothering. It helps heal. It gives me some focus. It forces me to stop thinking about myself fora few hours. So, in a sense, like we have said....I am a mother. Just a different kind of one.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Election 2015

Tomorrow is E-Day!!! We are having a Federal election!! I actually kind of like them. They bring us together in an odd sort of way. There's something for us all talk about. It is kind of like a celebration, of sorts. It's like the Olympics of the of the political world. It's the The Super Bowel, the World Series, the Stanley Cup Playoffs for the political nerds!!! My cousin LOVES them!!! She loves to talk politics! I small doses. It usually just irritates me, angers me, and generally bores me to tears..HOWEVER....I do love me a good election!!

Not 100% sure on who I am voting for yet (I think I am pretty set...just you know..need to pray about I have had "the political talk" with my parents, as I usually do when these things happen. It's always a fun time. LOL. Anker can get upset when he talks about politics. We are in a bit of an odd demographic..we are "older", not healthy, on disability, infertile, childless, lower class....yet I work in social work/health care/community living, and Anker is on disability. Oh, and we don't own our own home. So, we want a government who can pretty much give us more money for Anker to live on a month, more money/type of work for me, better health care...funding for infertile treatments (which we realize won't happen...having a baby...but we would like that for others), more tax breaks, more money put into community resources, etc. We're not asking for a lot :) LOL.

But you know what, when you think of it..we live in a pretty darn perfect country! It REALLY bugs me when people dis politicians. We don't know on how good we have in Canada/US. Our leaders aren't perfect, but neither are we. We live in awesome countries that allow people from other countries to come and live and have their Canadian/American Dream. We live in (mostly) peaceful countries. We are rich. Yes, there are people who have it far less than we do. Life is frustrating. I get it. OUR life is frustrating. But for the most part, we all have it pretty good.  We don't have an Hussein or a Hitler running our countries. We don't have ISIS, or Boko Haram (though I do get that people have joined these "organizations"). We live in a wonderful, safe, and beautiful country! We can worship without fear. We are free to worship wherever or however we want. The list goes on....

So...VOTE! There is simply NO EXCUSE NOT to vote. People in other countries have died fighting (and still continue to) for the right to vote. THEY DON'T have a say. WE do! We have a right...AND it's a privilege. It was less than 100 years ago that the four western provinces were allowed to vote. the rest of the country took a little late as 1940 in Quebec! Women DIED for the right to vote!! It actually REALLY bugs me when people say they aren't going to vote. Even if you don't know much about politics (like, learn the basics of each party (there are three main parties in Canada).  Even if you don't want to vote for PM, at least vote for your local MP. Over 3M people voted in the advanced polls, which was awesome. That was way more than in the advanced polls back in 2011. yourself, your family, and your country a service...VOTE! It takes 20-30 minutes of your time. EVERY VOTE COUNTS!!!

Off my soap box now!!!

Friday, October 16, 2015

Thanksgiving Weekend

Up here in the cold North, we do things a bit differently. We have Thanksgiving in October, which as I have said before, I like it better. The weather is warmer, it's nicer...not too close to Christmas, you know, important things like that.

Thankfully, I had this last wknd off (save for TG day, but I didn't care, so as long as I was able to spend most of it with family), which was a bonus!! Every second wknd, I get a four day wknd (Thurs-Sun), unless I pick up any extra shifts, which is totally awesome! The flip side of that is that the next wknd, I WORK four days (Fri-Mon)...meh, what can you do?

So, since I had Thursday off, we thought about going Thursday night, but we decided to stay home, and leave on Friday. I mean, I say that my new position is like a vacation, but hey, it's still work, and I need LOTS of down/me time!

Anyhoo...we left on Friday morning, after running around, getting A's hair cut, grabbing a few things, going back to the house to make sure that kitty had food, getting gas, etc. We picked up the turkeys from a local farmer that my parents deal with in regards to..well...the demise of sheep for local sale., which was kind of fun, since I don't usually visit other farms. We got there around their lunch time, so we had to stand and wait around for a half hour. Went to Clearwater to get our winter tires on the car, and while we waited, we went across the street to Fields, and shopped around for a bit, then grabbed a small snack (fries and gravy..yum!) and had a mini date until the car was ready We then grabbed some groceries for the wknd, and went to the church building, since we knew that my uncle was there, and we wanted to say hi. We also found my dad there, so we had a nice visit with them for a few minutes.

Arrived at the ranch at 4pm. First on the schedule...playing with Lego. H really wanted A to play with him, so the played for an hour. I wish I had gotten a couple of it was all rather presh. We had a nice evening Friday...we had a lamb/mutton roast, along with the trimmings, and we all sat and played on our or laptops and/or phones and visited, then ended up watching Hancock. I had grabbed a few movies and my brother saw that Hancock was in my bag, and he thought it would be cool watch it. They watched, while I Facebooked :) We slept in the B&B on the ranch, which was awesome. I think it saves our sanity!!

Saturday was Turkey Day! We spent the morning at the B&B, where I cooked up my part of the meal, and Anker took a nap. Yes, he napped before the Our dinner was at two, which is a good time for us. After dinner (will post pics another time), we all helped with dishes, and then some of them went for target practice. We usually go for a walk, but it was raining, so the walk got cancelled, but target practice was I guess still ok. LOL. I didn't know what was going on, so I stayed back, and visited with K and Aunty June. We did venture out as they were all coming back in. We had dessert, then for something different, I thought we could do a quiz that I found in F00D N3TW0RK Magazine. Everyone had fun with that, then we all played THE SITUATION GAME, and then people went home, or back for and I had a little visit, but she was so tired, so she just went to bed. Some of us ended up watching Arachniphobia, which I had never seen before...and then we headed to bed.

Sunday, we had church, then we cleaned up the B&B, and helped start lunch. Mom had invited a lady for lunch, which was nice. But before lunch, we all went for a hayride. The weather was GORGEOUS!!! We had such a fun time!! We came back around 4, ate our leftovers (aren't those the best??) and visited for awhile, then Anker and I made tracks for home. We got back here around 7. I am really glad that we came back when we did...traffic was better, and we had the evening to relax, and Monday morning, I ran errands...where I may or may not have had a PSL as a Thanksgiving Treat. Ha! I grabbed a couple of Turkey TV Dinners, and a small pumpkin pie, and came home, where we proceed to have our Thanksgiving Day Dinner. Ha! Then, I worked at 2:30.

So, that was our wknd!!

I will try to do a picture post, but, since I forgot my camera, I took all of my pictures on my phone...which got put on FB, thus, making it hard to save and post on here. But yes, I will..soon.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Still Here

Yes...I am still alive. I have just been in a blogging rut lately. Not even looking at/through blogs that I follow have given me any blog-ispiration. I WANT to blog..but I just don't WANT to blog...does that make sense?

Anyway...not sure if I will link up with the Friday posts this week...but here are some highlights from the last couple of weeks.

I/we have been having lots of yummy food lately (I have been also been having some gross food, but I will leave that to another Hubby made waffles, which are DIVINE!! They are SO GOOD! I also had lamb chops. Y'all...even if I ever were to go vegetarian, I would still eat our family's lamb. It is the best. I made some yummy muffins at work..and I added banana to them. So good!! We had Mexican food tonight from one of our favourite local Mexican places. It was a special deal. Two can eat for $13.99. Yum. Hubby also made some spaghetti sauce. We haven't tried it yet, but he thinks that it may not be very good. I went to A and K's last Thursday for pie that H and Mom made. Yum!

I bought a few more tops from one of the Facebook pages in our city. I bought two of them today. We will see on how I like them. I am pretty much living in yoga pants. I have put the shorts/capris away...oh, except for one was TOO hot to NOT wear them!!!

Work is going pretty well. I joke that it is like a vacation compared to my other position. LOL. I do like it, though. And, as an added bonus, they are moving closer to me....sadly, I will have to back track if I want a Starbucks before work. Thankfully, there is a Tim Horton's as well as a local bakery, coffee shop on the way, so all is not lost!!

I have been taking out scads of magazines from the library. People, I have a problem! At least I don't pay for them all. They are often magazines that I won't buy, but I do love to look through them.

Hubby fixed my fan at midnight last night. Y'all. He is amazing. It only took him less than a half hour. I was very happy. And yes, we still need a fan on at night sometimes.

Two Sundays ago, we spent it watching movies. Pure bliss. Unbroken, Woman in Gold, to name a ew. Oh, and the eclipse. Did you see it? Let me tell you, it was awesome! God is awesome!! I even got some ok pictures of it.

That same wknd, my friends and I went for Greek food at a local Greek place. It was SO GOOD!  They are going for Chinese tomorrow, but sadly, we are going to the ranch tomorrow, as it is Canadian Thanksgiving this wknd, and we getting our tires changed on the way.

I haven't been having too many Starbucks' (ok, well, not as many), but I did have a Salted Caramel  Mocha today. SO GOOD!

Fall TV is back!!! And we discovered that our PVR/TV has CC. Let me tell you, my tv-watching life has gotten better!! I am loving the new show, Code Black. It very similar to ER. LOVE IT! Just watched Grey's tonight...and Saving Hope...both very good. Oh..yes..Big Bang...and Amazing Race US are back...And Y&R is really good right now. And I finally got caught up on DWTS!! How can I forget my JJ :) There are also few odds and ends of tv that I will watch as well.

Calico is still keeping us laughing! She is hysterical!!! This will be our first time leaving her since we have gotten her. I hope she doesn't get too lonely for us!!

I spent a couple of days in the park, enjoying the sun and relaxing. I love my times in the park.

I have been meeting my friends up for coffee..going to my brother and SIL's a few times...running errands....and I have been taking LOTS of pictures, and putting most of them on IG :)

I am not "that cool stylish/fashion" person. I don't really wear boots...and I am not a scarf person (though I do have a few). I just switch it back to yoga pants for my fall wardrobe. That's pretty much it! I know...I am very low-maintenance. I did buy some new Halloween socks, though!!!

I Skyped with my sister the other night. I have a love/hate relationship with Skype. I LOVE being able to see my family, but I always feel like you HAVE to talk to keep things going. I always love Skyping with her...we always have a fun chat.

Stuff is still growing in our garden, and it's October. I love it here!!!

I have been going to bed around 1-2 am. And sleeping in until 9-11 am. Gotta love my new work schedule. Oh well. I don't worry about it too much. At least I have a job, so it makes me feel less guilty.

I bought a Shredder off of one of the 24 hour Bidding Sites/Groups on Facebook. I brought it out today..not sure why we went THIS LONG with out a shredder. I may start shredding my is THAT MUCH fun!

Here are a few funnies that I found I the last couple of weeks..

Ok..those ones are oldies, but goodies..:)

                                                      I need these in my life, people!!!

So, as some of my family says..Them there's the highlights!!!!